My Mind on Shuffle

So on the news this evening, there was a bit about Chicago and the “Countdown Clock” pedestrian traffic signals.  If you haven’t seen these, they’re the walk/don’t walk signals that give a t-minus countdown to go along with the flashing “don’t walk” signal.  Let’s take a second to review the history of pedestrian traffic here.  Long ago, people were expected to remember the simple fact that you cross with traffic.  Green light go, losers.  That simple.  Well, people being the bumbling idiots that they are, apparently got themselves run over with alarming frequency by walking smack dab into cross traffic.  At least, this what I assume led to the original, walk/don’t walk signals.  A white “WALK” for when it was okay to go, a red/orange “DON’T WALK” for when you risked bodily peril by wandering into the intersection.  Fair enough, but we need a little warning, leading to the “flashing DON’T WALK”, the yellow light of pedestrian signals (why we didn’t develop a three signal system ala actual traffic signals is beyond me, but hey, efficiency rules).  This apparently was effective for all but the growing illiterate population, prompting WALK to be replaced by a little walking dude and DON’T WALK by an admonishing “stop” hand.  Now even toddlers, sufferers of adult illiteracy, foreigners and, of course, the lazy stood a fair chance to not wind up road kill while wandering our busy streets.  Now, we’ve advanced in our flashy light technology to add the aforementioned “countdown clock” so when the cautioning DON’T WALK YOU MORONS hand flashes, we also see a countdown of exactly how many seconds you have to do that awkward powerwalk/half run/shuffle/trot across the intersection.  Ultimately, this wouldn’t bother me all that much, aside from the typical vague sense of depression upon contemplating the bulk of society’s mental capacity, but…

1) These light upgrades cost 10,000 dollars…for each intersection!!  Do you have any idea how many park-cop Segways they could buy for that?  Well, maybe one and a half, I guess, but still…

B) The real kicker?  EVERYONE IGNORES THE SIGNALS!!  So the city of Chicago is spending hundreds of thousands of dollars to shepherd a bunch of idiots across the street, despite the fact that everyone thinks they know better, and fact is, they do.  Most of us can figure out that in the battle of you vs. car, car wins. 

Bottom line, if you’re smart enough to cross the street safely, you don’t need the sign and if you’re not smart enough, you’ll probably wander in front of that cab despite any flashing, beeping, counting, tasering coming from the traffic signal.  And frankly, wouldn’t we be better off with that 10,000 dollars in the budget and a few less idiots wandering the streets?