My Mind on Shuffle

In general, I'm not a huge fan of reality shows.  Sure there was that one year when I was living alone in South Bend and I watched far too much American Idol and The Bachelor (starring NFL quarterback, Jesse Palmer, cause no one needs more help finding women than professional athletes).  Looking back on this now I am more than a little embarassed.  I find most reality shows to be soul-crushingly vapid (except The Real World, that show kicks ass).  I have no problem, however, admitting my love for VH1's "pop-culture commentary shows/countdowns".  You may know these better as I Love the 80's, I Love the 80's Strikes Back, I Love the 80's 3D, etc. or 100 Greatest Albums of All Time, 100 Most Metal Moments, 100 Hottest Celebrity Bods, etc.  These shows are probably most notable for employing people who would otherwise be relegated to obscure stand-up careers, bit parts on sit-coms or writing silly little articles on the internet.*

ANYWAY… This weekend I caught the tail end of the 20 Greatest Reality TV Moments.  In the top five was a moment featuring the show Cheaters.  Since I learned of its existence, I've thought this show was questionable in both its premise and execution.  Premise: Random Dude/Dudette believes that his/her significant other is cheating and wants them exposed as a lying sack of shit (on national television, of course).  Execution: cameras follow suspected "cheater" around and basically play P.I. until the denoument: the confrontation.  This usually involves lots of screaming, crying and bleeping.  Between the lying "cheater", the vindictive "cheatee", and the rubber-necking viewer, it's hard to tell which is the lowest segment of humanity, but I'm pretty sure it can be found somewhere in there.  Ok, now that you're familiar with what we're working with here, back to the story.

The moment from Cheaters that made VH1's countdown placed somewhere in the top five.  Presumably, the relatively low ranking is due to the fact that this show runs on one of those pathetic networks like UPN and about four people ever actually tune into watch.  It certainly wasn't for the severity of the moment.  This show's highest (lowest?) moment came when the host, in the midst of the confrontation (on a boat no less) was STABBED.  That's right, f-ing stabbed in the gut!! by the "cheater". 

If of course, thought this was awesome.  This is a dude whose entire job is to ruin people's lives.  At least on shows like Jerry Springer they have people in a controlled situation so when "My Man Cheated With His Step-Sister and My Mother" turns into a huge conflagration, it's in a (relatively) controlled environment and they try to talk things out.  You know, like civilized trailer-trash.  Cheaters though basically amounts to this host jumping out and yelling "Gotcha!".  Let's face it: A) it's amazing it didn't happen on the very first show, B) he had it coming.

Amazingly, this was not the end of the series.  This dude, after being stabbed, went back out there to film more shows.  All in the name of justice…or entertainment…or something.

*It is a life goal of mine to someday appear on I Love the First Decade of the Twenty-First Century: 2006 making snide comments about David Blaine and Britney Spears's lack of parenting skills (with a touch of modern-post-modern self-flagellation for even having knowledge of such subjects, obviously).