Life Goals
In addition to the previously stated goals to perform a Blaine-esque stunt, popularize the terms slurpee and big gulp as euphimisms and to appear on a VH1 countdown show, I have a wide variety of life goals. Because every one knows it's important to have goals:
- To have a statue of me erected in a public place. This may or may not involve having my corpse bronzed (cause cremation's for pussies).
- To have a building named after me.
- To own a European car (Yugos need not apply).
- To be pulled on-stage by basically any band alive and touring only to discover an inexplicable and heretofore undiscovered talent for beat-boxing.
- To date women with the following traits: Named Amber, Heather, Samantha; attended an Ivy League university; has an accent; has been/is a cheerleader, dancer and/or Olympian; foreign.
- To discover a cure for Herpes (I and II).
- To foil someone's evil plan.
- To receive a championship ring (specific sport unimportant).
- To be a member of a Real World cast, specifically appearing as the boring roommate who becomes overly ludicrous when intoxicated.
- To receive the Congressional Medal of Honor.
- To receive a Senatorial Censure.
- To appear in the Olympics as Skip of the Men's Curling Team.
- To receive a Nobel Prize (field unimportant).
- To publish a manifesto with a level of influence falling somewhere between Marx and the Unabomber.
- To produce/direct/write an adult movie that receives shocking Oscar nominations for its "innovative plot structure and compelling characterizations".
- To celebrate my 123rd birthday.
- To receive an honorary degree from a historically black university.
- To have a biopic made about my life.
- To have a Behind The Music episode.
I know I have more, and perhaps I'll weigh in with them at a later date. Until then, keep dreaming, kids.
Dawn said,
May 30, 2006 at 10:18 pm
DUDE – I totally need to hook you up with my friend Heather. She was born in England, but her family moved to Michigan when we were in 8th grade. She was a cheerleader AND a dancer, and she wound up going to Brown. I mean, I don’t know if British is “foreign” enough for you, but 4 out of 5 ain’t bad.
JIM said,
May 31, 2006 at 2:12 am
Unbelievable! On paper, she’s perfect! Well… Except for the Michigan part.
Andy said,
May 31, 2006 at 6:53 pm
Hang on sloopy. Michigan is where heaven was trained. So get over it.
I don’t want to ruin this Heather for you Jim, but instead I would just like to casually remind you of that Heather weirdo from Valpo who ALSO played with a neckstrap and was old and weird. Take that, hopes and dreams.
Martin Luther rules.
Jake said,
June 5, 2006 at 3:36 am
I also like Martin Luther thank you very much. But Michigan…ah no thank you. I would like to celebrate my 124th b-day so I’d be older than Jim. Oh wait then I’d have to make it to the funeral…better make it 122nd b-day and you have to figure out how to get your wrinkly-old ass to my funeral.
excalibur said,
February 22, 2007 at 8:45 am
very insightful read, thankyou.