(JM Endorses:)Memoirs, Drinking, Etc…
So I’ve decided to become an alcoholic.*
Let me give you a little background for my thought process here. I read. A lot. Sports, fiction (contemporary and classic), music, humor, philosophy, religion, you name it. One of my favorite genres lately has been the memoir. However, I have no interest in reading about famous people (especially in a memoiric fashion). My favorite memoirs are normal people writing about their fairly normal lives in a witty fashion.**
At any rate, as I was perusing the Biography section of my local Barnes & Noble today*** I noticed that a disproportionate number of these memoirs were about alcoholism (e.g., Dry, Drinking: A Love Story, Smashed, etc.). Now I’ve always wanted to self-aggrandize myself in some fashion, but have been lacking a hook. I haven’t had a miserable childhood, I haven’t had insight-prompting travels and travails about the globe, I’m not even compellingly normal/quirky. However, I do know how to imbibe liquids. Shoot, I even have a series of stories chronicling innocent college excapades that could easily be manipulated into a foreshadowing of my future as a raging drunk.
The primary drawbacks, as I see them (aside from the whole, “drinking excessively is bad for you” thing) are the associated costs. Alcohol is expensive. As are cleaning bills****, tickets and nights spent in jail/days spent in court. That being said, I’m looking for a publisher’s advance in order to fund my slow slide into an alcohol fueled stupor/rage (we’ll see how it all plays out). Trust me, it’ll sell.
With all that out of the way, and since it’s been awhile since I properly endorsed something, let me give you some tips as to my favorite beverages of alcoholic content of late:
Beers (that I don’t have to order over the internet from Colorado at outrageous shipping expense): My standby is Bass – reliable, consistent, excellent. I love Sam Adams and Goose Island seasonal beers. My latest discovery is Leinenkugel’s Sunset Wheat. It’s very citrusy and refreshing.
Mixed: Brandy and Ginger Ale. Once again I’ve stolen from the inimitable (no matter how hard I may try) Chuck Klosterman. It’s hit or miss to order at the bar. I’ve had them whip it up with not a word of question or had them not stock ginger ale and be out of brandy so you take your chances ordering it out. It’s easy enough to whip up at home though. It sounds strange because a) who drinks brandy? and 2) who drinks ginger ale. Prior to trying this drink, I did neither. All I can say is try it, you’ll like it.
*For all of you who immediately thought some variation of “don’t you mean became?”, bite me.
**Sound vaguely familiar?
***They’re upping their member rebate for the holiday season, by the way. This is a spectacularly consumer-friendly bit of retailing. Kudos, B&N!
****Someday I’ll tell you about the night that required me to rent a Rug-Doctor the following morning.
Quick Hits Vol. I
- Bad choice with Lou Piniella there Hendry. And it’s not like I didn’t warn you…
- I don’t know what I’ll do if the Cubs trade for A-Rod. I’ve spent so long hating him… Well, here’s the deal: if they don’t move Aramis, put A-Rod at short where he belongs and he stops blowing in the clutch…and stops being a douche…maybe I’d be okay with it… Maybe…
- I got new sheets this weekend. They’re red. I’ve always had very neutral sheets (tan, blue, etc.). I wasn’t sure if I’d love it or hate. Turns out they’re great. Nothing is more inviting than red sheets. Somehow they just seem to say “c’mon into bed”. I’d step up to red satin sheets someday, except for the fact that I don’t actually live in a bordello.
- The fact that after that insane Miami, FIU brawl (which included two separate UM players stomping on guys and swinging helmets, respectively) FIU kicked two players off the team and extended the rest of the 16 suspensions indefinitely, while Miami held at 1 indefinite suspension (I believe for the helmet swinger) and 12 1-game suspensions illustrates everything that is wrong with college football.
- The Bears-Cardinals game was the most bizarre sporting event I have ever watched.
- How disappointing was Jay-Z’s video premiere at halftime? Answer: unmeasurably. How not surprising was Jay-Z’s unretirement? Answer: infinitely.
Reason #6,731 Why The Yankees Suck
***Note: Today’s news is that Torre is sticking around for another year. Of course, that could change again by this afternoon. Either way, I agree with the tone of this piece, whether they boot him today, tomorrow or when his contract runs out in a year.***
Let me preface this by noting that I am a huge Red Sox fan. That being said, not being raised as a Sox fan, I still hold a lot of respect for certain aspects of the Yankees organization. Most notably: their history, Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera and Joe Torre.
The big news this morning was that Joe Torre was being fired in favor of Lou Piniella. I have lots of problems with this.*
Let’s start with the lesser problem first. Granted the Yankees lost in the first round of the playoffs this year. Granted they have a payroll that exceeds the GNP of Africa (as a whole). However, they did spend the vast majority of the season minus two of their best five hitters** (Sheffield and Matsui). Yes, they were back for the playoffs, but really, how much can you expect from guys that missed 85% of the regular season with wrist injuries?*** Despite this, the Yankees were still the first team to clinch a post-season berth****. People love to give Jeter the credit for that when discussing the AL MVP, but seriously how about a little credit for the guy who fills out the lineup card every day and is, you know, in charge of the freaking team. Let’s face it, when those guys went down, a lot of people (myself included) were gleefuly envisioning the Yankees finishing not only out of the race, but a distant third(ish) in their division. Instead they went out and smoked everyone with the likes of Melky Cabrera and Bernie Williams patrolling the outfield on a regular basis.
Here’s the bigger issue I have: Joe Torre is the best manager in baseball and has been for about ten years now. The only other guy I put in the conversation is Bobby Cox.***** No one else has been nearly as successful for nearly as long a stretch. Lots of managers have had great years (Ozzie Guillen last year, as much as I hate to admit it; Joe Girardi this year with the Marlins; etc.). Joe Torre has had the Yankees in World Series contention for as long as I can remember. And don’t try talking to me about talented players / payroll. People tried that with Phil Jackson, too. Talent alone doesn’t win games (just ask Knicks fans).
At any rate, I think it’s a shame for Torre to go out like this. He deserved to leave that team on his own terms.
On the other hand, seeing the manager responsible for giving up on the Devil Rays and perennially underachieving with the Mariners in pinstripes is kind of exciting.
*However, having Piniella out of the discussion of who’s replacing Dusty Baker I love. That definitely wouldn’t have been a good choice. Joe Girardi and Joe Torre are now my choices 1a and 1b for the Cubs.
**This list includes, in no particular order, Jeter, Sheffield, Matsui, Rodriguez and the new and HGH-improved Giambi.
***Correct answer: not much. Although moving Sheff to first may be a revelation along the lines of Nomar’s shift in LA. He’s naturally a good defensive player, but starting to slow down. Plus that means we only have to watch Giambi bat. This could extend the life of the current Yankees lineup for another three years (sorry Andy Phillips). Again, as a Red Sox fan, I don’t know how exciting that is. But it’s clearly good for the Yankees.
****That may very well be a complete lie. I do know it was either them or the Mets.
*****Fuck Tony LaRussa. LaRussa is the most overrated manager of all time. I could write an entire post on that one.
