My Mind on Shuffle

So I’ve decided to become an alcoholic.* 

Let me give you a little background for my thought process here.  I read.  A lot.  Sports, fiction (contemporary and classic), music, humor, philosophy, religion, you name it.  One of my favorite genres lately has been the memoir.  However, I have no interest in reading about famous people (especially in a memoiric fashion).  My favorite memoirs are normal people writing about their fairly normal lives in a witty fashion.** 

At any rate, as I was perusing the Biography section of my local Barnes & Noble today*** I noticed that a disproportionate number of these memoirs were about alcoholism (e.g., Dry, Drinking: A Love Story, Smashed, etc.).  Now I’ve always wanted to self-aggrandize myself in some fashion, but have been lacking a hook.  I haven’t had a miserable childhood, I haven’t had insight-prompting travels and travails about the globe, I’m not even compellingly normal/quirky.  However, I do know how to imbibe liquids.  Shoot, I even have a series of stories chronicling innocent college excapades that could easily be manipulated into a foreshadowing of my future as a raging drunk. 

The primary drawbacks, as I see them (aside from the whole, “drinking excessively is bad for you” thing) are the associated costs.  Alcohol is expensive.  As are cleaning bills****, tickets and nights spent in jail/days spent in court.  That being said, I’m looking for a publisher’s advance in order to fund my slow slide into an alcohol fueled stupor/rage (we’ll see how it all plays out).  Trust me, it’ll sell.

With all that out of the way, and since it’s been awhile since I properly endorsed something, let me give you some tips as to my favorite beverages of alcoholic content of late:

Beers (that I don’t have to order over the internet from Colorado at outrageous shipping expense): My standby is Bass – reliable, consistent, excellent.  I love Sam Adams and Goose Island seasonal beers.  My latest discovery is Leinenkugel’s Sunset Wheat.  It’s very citrusy and refreshing.

Mixed: Brandy and Ginger Ale.  Once again I’ve stolen from the inimitable (no matter how hard I may try) Chuck Klosterman.  It’s hit or miss to order at the bar.  I’ve had them whip it up with not a word of question or had them not stock ginger ale and be out of brandy so you take your chances ordering it out.  It’s easy enough to whip up at home though.  It sounds strange because a) who drinks brandy? and 2) who drinks ginger ale.  Prior to trying this drink, I did neither.  All I can say is try it, you’ll like it.

*For all of you who immediately thought some variation of “don’t you mean became?”, bite me.

**Sound vaguely familiar?

***They’re upping their member rebate for the holiday season, by the way.  This is a spectacularly consumer-friendly bit of retailing.  Kudos, B&N!

****Someday I’ll tell you about the night that required me to rent a Rug-Doctor the following morning.